Visiting your grave

I stopped by to visit you on my way out of Salt Lake this morning. The only flower I could afford was an orange Day Lily blossom from outside your dad's apartment. I had put it there when Livvie & I went by last night. It was already wilted but I repositioned it defiantly, hoping the sprinklers would revive it a little.

Then I sat in my little blue car and cried for you. For the thousandth time I longed to change places with you; surely your beautiful, funny presence would serve this world more effectively than my failing grace? But that is not our call, so we move on; me back to an increasingly hum-drum life in Oregon and you to whatever tasks await the Blessed.

I love you, not-so-baby boy.

Another month goes by

I keep thinking the grieving is over; then I start to miss the grieving itself! Tonight I was putting some family photos in a new frame because the old, dearly beloved one had fallen apart. I broke one of the pieces of glass and was in tears instantly. I NEEDED to get that one little job done so I could hang your picture back on the wall of our home.

Every time I think I've left you behind I find myself starting all over again at stage 1: Denial. Oh, Gingle, if you only knew; but you probably do. I miss you and am SOOO proud of you for your progress to a life I can still only dream about. I will make it to you; I PROMISE!