Coming to see you in 2 days! Your dad has ordered a headstone so we won't just have that lonely patch of grass to sit by :-) Muffin is bringing Violet & we will all cry together - and laugh as much as we can. The Jorge Platter at Salazar's is DEFINITELY on the menu. Thanks for the gentle visits. I really appreciate them.

Almost 2 years; seems like a day!

Missing you lots today. It started yesterday when I went into the Safeway store near our old apartment. I felt your absence in that familiar place more than I have for months. Today I sit in Sacrament meeting remembering the one time I heard you bless the sacred emblems, then the last time we took it together in your room at the hospital. You couldn't eat that day, but we held hands. I know this moment will pass, but I find myself wanting every moment I had with you back; now; all at once. Plus all the years I missed. See you soon (in God's time).

Peace, at last

It's taken 21 months, but the past few days have seemed happier than the previous 500-or-so. A friend of mine shared this on Facebook and I think he was speaking to me:

I need the scars to remind me of my Father's care for me. It's personal.

Happy Birthday

I want to say so much, but I want to say it to YOU, so I think I'll just stay quiet & "Try A Smile"

I'd rather be at the Temple than at work, but it's closed on Mondays & work isn't ;-)

Another change

Wow! I actually found myself thinking of you dying & found myself SMILING! Does that mean "acceptance" has finally taken hold? Maybe it's that I am finally back to reading scriptures every day. It could be that panoramic view of life through the ages is helping me see your leaving as the happy progression it is meant to be. Still wish I could talk with you about it.

Love you!

You loved Christmas

Haven't posted for a while; running out of things to say, I guess, but I miss you every day. Can't imagine how your sister & dad do it, still living in the place you all shared. I don't cry much anymore, but today was a tough one. Every hymn we sang at Church reminded me of you. It started with the opening hymn. I know it's about Jesus, but phrases were so YOU! "He came down to earth from heaven" reminded me of the day you were born. "With the poor, and mean, and lowly" - that house you were born in was ours, but it was humble, indeed! "And our eyes at last shall see him" oh; no explanation needed!! Even the sacrament hymn touched my heart (and eyes) with "Once a meek and lowly lamb" - you were soooo mild, kind & gentle! and, "Once he suffered grief and pain" - I guess your headaches grew unbearably in those last few weeks. "Joy To The World" is, again, about the Savior, but OOHH, how I will rejoice to see you again! "Silent Night" again took me back to the incredible moment of your birth. I remember all five births; documented each one in my journals, but since your passing yours has stayed more in my memory. Then, as if that wasn't enough, I got the distinct impression you had gathered the old Boffey family choir from your side of the veil to sing with me. It was fun, but sooo hard to bear. Keep singing, child; you only did it quietly on earth but I'm sure those Boffeys have been coaching you up to full volume :-)

Unexpected grieving

I surprised myself today. I was in a progress interview at work. Don't like 'em; just want to get on with my job. Don't feel it's my responsiblity to assess myself for them. Anyway, for some reason I got emotional & blurted out how much I miss you; that I have never felt I've taken enough time to mourn. Then I had to admit that even if I spent a year on a Tibetan mountain it probably wouldn't be long enough. I think I probably shocked some people when I recently posted on Facebook that, "Seeing the Savior will be nice, but being with George, now THAT will be Heaven" but it's true. The Savior is always with us; you are not. At least, not the way you were.

We just had a marvelous General Conference. I remember the ones we watched together. Several messages were about hope and there being no room for despair in the Gospel but the one that spoke to me most was when a Seventy described how he was feeling overwhelmed with his new responsibilities & as Pres. Monson saw him looking at the floor he told him, "I always find it's better to look up."

So I will try, dear boy, to look up. Most of the time :-)