Black ribbons

Pink ribbons make me sad. I know I could wear one for 'Rissa's victory over Hodgkins Lymphoma, but what do I wear for George? Everybody gets so all-fired-up about beating cancer or knowing someone who did. Some of us don't feel so lucky. Some of us have to go on empty-handed, with nothing but fading memories of lives NOT lived; at least, not lived long enough.

Survivor's guilt, loss, anger, all those things slow me down. People have told me how brave I am and how well I am handling this.

They have no idea!

I miss your voice

Just minding my own business, working away, when suddenly I find myself craving the sound of your voice. We have no recordings; no home movies; nothing but flat paper photographs. Didn't figure we would ever need them because you would always be there. Why, oh WHY didn't we take the time/effort to preserve more of you for ourselves? What if I wake up one day and don't remember the soft sound of the gentle sibilance you inherited from your father? How can we recapture what is lost? How do we move on without tearing ourselves apart.

I know I will see you again, but I want you back, NOW.